Suella Braverman's Diary

That Was the Week that Wasn't

Phew!

Sorry I’m a bit late to this, but protecting our borders and disrupting the business model of the evil criminal gangs that thrive on human misery is a full-time job. I mean really. And our national Stop the Boats week was even busier than most weeks!

Honestly, I was rushed off my feet! Literally, I hardly had time to catch a breath. But hey, I’m not complaining! Because the British people gave me a job to do, and I can tell Miss Yvette Cooper and Monsieur Macron and Frau Von der Leyen and the lefty lawyers and closet Remainers and woke do gooders that it’s a job I take very seriously!

But Stop the Boats week. I mean, gosh! What a week! Honestly, it was just Off.The.Scale! Busy, busy, busy, every hour God sent. Even on Sunday - the day of rest (I wish!) - we were ready to go with Bob’s edgy column in the Sun, spilling the beans on that dodgy so-called anti-racist lawyer helping Labour stop our Rwanda policy ( A great policy btw, which will totally stop the boats, and don’t let any woke civil servant tell you otherwise!).

The next day Bob was interviewed by lefty Remoaner woke radio presenter Andrew Castle and asked for the name of the lawyer. And of course Bob wasn’t going to fall for that ‘facts’ nonsense. I mean, come on. This is 2023!

Castle kept on nagging (what is it with these people?) but Bob’s lips were sealed.

So off to a flying start with a BIG win for us. Go us!

And that same day, we put the first so-called asylum seekers on the Bibby Stockholm barge, ( Total cost to the hardworking taxpayer, ONLY £1.6 billion over the next two years. Go us!). That was despite the lefty Fire Brigades Union and other do gooders whittering on about safety and fire risk and ‘floating Grenfells’ and inhumanity and blah, blah, blah.

Fingers in the ears. Altogether now. La, la,la, la,la.

Because I’ll tell you what’s inhumane. Putting Albanians up in luxury hotels with gyms, swimming pools, and smorgasbords while the hardworking British taxpayer can’t even pay his bills and has to go to a community pantry to make ends meet, that’s what.

Care4Calais? About time we had a Care4Britain! But we did it anyway! We got 15 so-called asylum seekers on board! Fifteen! Go us!

And if they don’t like it, they can eff off back to France.

Not that I would personally use that kind of fruity language. Mummy and Daddy didn’t raise me to do that. But our Deputy Chairman is a simple son of the soil who speaks honest home truths from his simple working man’s heart. And even if the tofu-loving wokerati might not deem it ‘politically correct’ to put it in quite those terms, Lee expressed the genuine hurt and frustration that the British people rightly feel at the illegals who have abused our warm-hearted generosity for so long.

Because we are a welcoming people. With a proud tradition of welcoming. But honestly, there is a limit. And now the people have said ‘Enough!’ And I understand their righteous anger at the do gooders and the bleeding hearts and the RNLI and the lefty woke lawyers who STILL managed to stop twenty illegals from boarding the barge by launching vexatious and politically-motivated appeals to ‘the law.’

I’m sorry, but as a former Attorney-General, I won’t take lectures on ‘the law’ from a bunch of lawyers. And as Alex Chalk said, we WILL be coming for them. But later, because there really is so much to tell!

On Tuesday, we got the headlines we wanted: ‘Tory fury as lawyers block migrants on barges’ (Express) and me (Go me!) ‘Suella: “I’ll wage war on crooked migrant lawyers” (Mail).

What I said.

And yes, we WILL be seeking a whole life tariff for any rogue firm found guilty of helping illegals perpetrate immigration fraud. Go us!

On Wednesday Bob was off in Turkey doing a fabulous deal with Erdogan’s border force to stop the evil criminal gangs that thrive on human misery long before they reach the Channel!

All this at NO extra cost to the taxpayer. Just a few million diverted from overseas development assistance funds, because let me tell you that stopping illegals and so-called asylum seekers from coming to stay in luxury hotels in our country IS development, and don’t let any do gooder tell you otherwise.

So go Bob! Go us! And especially, yay me!

And on Thursday, to show how well our Stop the Boats policy was working, 756 people crossed the channel in a single day - a record for the year so far! All of which goes to show that our strategy for tackling the evil criminal gangs that thrive on human misery is working really, really well.

Because imagine how many there would have been if we’d done nothing?

But I can promise you that these number WILL fall, once the illegals find out they’ll be staying in barges and not at Centreparcs or Radisson Blu. And when we can FINALLY start sending people to Rwanda. Or Ascension Island. Or Barren Island. Or the Okavango swamps.

Or really, wherever.

When that happens you’ll see how many of them want to come here! That’s my dream. It’s just like Martin Luther King’s dream, sort of. He wanted people eating round some table of brotherhood thingy in sweltering Mississippi or wherevs: I want to see thousands of so-called refugees locked up in a detention centre in a distant land no one cares about, thousands of miles away from our white cliffs, our bowling greens and cricket pitches, our village fetes, and our community pantries.

Because the hardworking British grafter has said ENOUGH. And we need to put OUR people first. And as for those 173,000 so-called refugees waiting for an initial decision on their asylum claim, we’ll get to them once we stop the queue jumpers.

But of course the do gooders are all crying ‘incompetent!’ and ‘not fair! And of course they’d like to put them all in luxury hotels instead of the barges that were perfectly ok for our oil workers and rough sleepers and other simple sons of the British soil.

Why? For the same reason they tried to stop Brexit. Because they hate our country. Because they are the enemy within.

Well I can tell the Remoaners carping on the sidelines ( Yes it’s sooo easy to criticize when you’re not doing anything yourself!) that I will NOT let this happen.

Fingers in the ear. La, la, la, la, la. Do I look like I’m listening? That’s because I’m not!

And then Friday. Of all the things! Some busybody goody two shoes discovers Legionnaire’s Disease in the water, and so we have to take the same asylum seekers off the barge who we put on it on Monday.

Can you imagine?

Well, who could have predicted that, without doing safety checks? Which we didn’t have time to do, because, come on! These are illegals.

And I am busy! Busy, busy, busy.

And it’s not as if any of them actually caught Legionella, (a minor ailment, compared with Ebola, fyi). So really, a lot of fuss about nothing. Health and safety gone mad. And how did that Legionnaires Disease get in the water supply, that’s what I’d like to know?

Bit too much of a coincidence, if you ask me.

Because let’s face it, if you’re going to come here without permission you need to know that you’re not going to be living the life of riley on a bed of roses, whatever the Labour Party and Miss Yvette Cooper and all the virtue-signalling humanitarians will tell you.

And we WILL sort out the barge and put the illegals back on it, and those who don’t like it will just have to suck it up.

Anyway. Despite these little blips, the week was going really, really well, all things considered. And then on Saturday, what happens? Six so-called Afghan refugees go and drown in the channel! Just like that!

Well awful. Just awful. And of course my thoughts and prayers go out to them, and this is why we have to fight the evil criminal gangs that thrive on human misery.

But let’s not lose a sense of proportion! It’s not as if anyone made these people cross the Channel. It’s not as if they weren’t already in a safe country.

Perhaps if the French had done their job properly, instead of punishing us for leaving the EU and shipping their unwanted so-called refugees over here, these unfortunate people might not have taken such a risk and paid all that money to the evil criminal gangs who thrive on human misery.

So thoughts and prayers. Should go without saying. But just in case, I’m saying it.

There. Done.

Not that it makes a blind bit of difference! Because people will moan, won’t they? And now the do gooders and the bleeding hearts are bleating on again about ‘alternate safe routes’ and ‘blood on our hands’.

Well let me tell you, there is NO blood on MY hands. And I won’t take lectures on human decency from a bunch of humanitarian charity workers who do nothing but try to help vulnerable people. I sleep soundly, in the little shuteye that I’m able to snatch, because delivering for the British people is a full time job! 27/7!

And I can tell you that I will not reward people who seek to enter our country illegally by allowing them to enter it legally. Because really, what do they want us to do? Fly every so-called victim of Taliban oppression in from Kabul so they can stay at the Hilton?

Why not roll out the red carpet? What do they want? Golden elevators? Jacuzzis? Pampering days?

I say, NO.

I say, what’s wrong with France?

And I will fight these invaders. In the mountains and on the beaches. I will never surrender.

Read my lips: I. Will. Stop. The. Boats. And if the do gooders and the traitors try to stop me, I will work to ensure that we have a Tory government that can send these people back to where they came from, and THAT is the issue we will fight the next election on.

No ifs. No buts.

And I don’t care if we have to leave the ECHR and the United Nations and the Geneva Convention and all the other ‘laws’ and multilateral conventions that the global elite drew up after World War 2 or whenever, and thinks we have to obey now.

I’m sorry, but we didn’t leave the European Union for that. We didn’t win back our sovereignty and independence for that. We didn’t defend it against the Remoaner traitors for that. And I say to all the do gooders, the bleeding hearts, the lefty lawyers and the charity hustlers.

We ARE coming for you.

We WILL put illegals back on that barge.

We WILL stop the boats.

We WILL disrupt the business model of the evil criminal gangs that thrive on human misery. And if we have to surround the country with a sea wall and barbed wire like that lovely Greg Abbott did in Texas, fine. And we WILL make France and the EU pay for it, and they will just have to suck it up.

Because we ARE a GREAT NATION.

And we WILL win the next election by drawing a line in the sand between those who LOVE our beautiful country and those who HATE.

That’s all for now. Must rush.

Busy. Busy. Busy.

Yay me.